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thepratingknave

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March 19th, 2012

08:34 am:  Okay, so I've been gagging to read this fic again, in part because it's hella hot but mostly because it's the first (fairly) graphic Destiel fic I ever read. And because it's hella hot.

So here's what I can recall: Basically a 'missing scene' fic for 6x05, "Live Free Or Twi-Hard". Dean hasn't fed yet so he's still in that pre-vampire stage. Naturally, he's having a great deal of difficultyCollapse )


January 2nd, 2010

11:16 pm: NEW NEW DOCTOR FOR A NEW NEW WORLD OF MISERY
Okay, so here's what's happening:















Gallery Matt Smith : Matt Smith in Citizenship



THAT'S ALL I NEEDED TO KNOW, MATT

YOU'VE TOLD ME EVERYTHING I NEEDED TO KNOW

YOU JUST BROUGHT *EVERYTHING*

YOUR CRANIUM IS SO FUCKING MASSIVE

AND THEN THERE'S THE BIG BROW AND THE NEAR LACK OF HAIR ON THE EYEBROWS

POSSIBLY A PENDING MEMBER OF THE ROCKIN' CAVEMAN CLUB (TRCC)

BEADY EYES

BIG NOSE

BIG STUPID HAIR

I THINK I <3 YOU MAYBE

I COULD

IT'S POSSIBLE

I'LL FIND OUT IN THE SPRING

IF FUCKING BBC1 AND STEPHEN MOFFAT HAVE THEIR SHIT TOGETHER BY THEN







































I WANT MY LADY BACK BUT IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN SO I'M JUST GOING TO HAVE TO FUCKING DEAL WITH IT

STOP BEING SUCH A PUSSY

LIKE THIS GUY







...mmm, Ash...

TAKE IT

TAKE THAT HAND LIKE A MAN

TAKE IT RIGHT UP YOUR ASS









And this post was supposed to be about the good Doctor.

WHAT THE DICK



Current Mood: surprisingly pleased/hopeful
Current Music: M.I.A. - Boyz

May 22nd, 2009

07:59 pm: ARE YOU HONGRY


This needs no introduction.

Technically, this is an introduction.

DEAL WITH IT





WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU MUSCULAR GUY IN TOWEL

PERSIAN ZACHARY LOOKS DAZED BUT SLIGHTLY INTRIGUED




WOW HE LOOKS TERRIFIED

ALSO WHY IS THERE A FLESH-COLOURED STAIN ON HIS TOWEL

CHESTHAIR FORMING A 'V' FOR VICTORY

OR A 'V' FOR VICTIM

WE CAN ONLY HOPE




OMG

HE'S EATING HIS FACE

THE AGONY

WAIT MAYBE THEY'RE JUST KISSING

...

THE AGONY OF PLEASURE

I'VE JUST BEEN MURDERED BY THE SEX

IS THIS REAL LIFE

NO BUT YES

LET'S JUST SAY IT IS

TRUFAX





HE LOOKS PLEASED WITH HIMSELF DOESN'T HE

I'M GONNA ROUNDHOUSE KICK THAT SMILE RIGHT OFF YOUR FACE

NOW GTFO

...AWWW...









I HAVE SEVERELY ABUSED THE CAPSLOCK. I MIGHT THROW UP ON YOU.

Current Mood: STARVED
Current Music: Robyn Hitchcock - Child of the Universe
Tags:

May 21st, 2009

01:55 pm: YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS CAPTAIN


There actually is no reason for this, other than...well.

THIS
















I SHALL SPEAK OF THIS NO FURTHER

EXCEPT THAT I DEFINITELY WILL

THERE ARE STILL SO MANY QUESTIONS THAT HAVE GONE UNANSWERED

IF HE WAS TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL THEN I WONDER WHERE HE WAS TOUCHED

IF HE OWNS A BISEXUAL GUINEA PIG NAMED FREEDOM THEN WHY DO I FEEL OPPRESSED

IF HE STOLE TWO PAIRS OF VULCAN EARS THEN WHO WAS THE OTHER PAIR FOR...ROMULAN KIRK

IF HE STEALS BRAINS THEN AM I ALLOWED TO STEAL ASSES PLZKTHXBYE

THE ANSWER YOU SEEK:

PUT AN APPLE IN HIS MOUTH SHOVE HIM IN AN OVEN AND COOK HIM AT 360 DEGREES THEN DRENCH HIM IN LEMON BUTTER SAUCE AND ALSO SOME CRACKED PEPPER TO TASTE

I WANT HIM TO BE GOLDEN BROWN

AND WHY NOT









FUCK YOU ALL THE WAY TO HELL

Current Mood: SET PHASERS TO BLUEBERRY
Current Music: THE EXTREME TWIST
Tags:

April 21st, 2009

06:52 pm: another fic...I'm genuinely sorry for this.




So, it's not Little Red Riding Fox. No, that's coming at a later date. I haven't actually started it, to be honest, and god knows why, considering how easy that thing should be, but...no. Unfortunately, I wrote this instead. Took me about seven and a half hours, no breaks. Well, one bathroom break. So...seriously, don't hate me for writing this. I'm apologizing in advance because of the pairing. I really hope this doesn't offend you. Because...well...I feel a bit like I'm slaughtering a sacred cow. Sacred cows. Maybe I'm overreacting. All I can say is read at your own risk. I am of course talking directly to you, because I know no one else reads this journal. No one that I'm aware of, anyway. Oh, god.



Title: Living Waters

 

Author: thepratingknave

 

Pairing: RH/SM

 

Rating: PG-13

 

Warnings: Dark but not.

 

Summary: California sun, California fun. Maybe a dream. Or a nightmare.

 

Note from author: I was listening to nothing but Pavement and SM and Silver Jews until a little more than half-way through, at which point I listened to The 13th Floor Elevators' cover of "It's All Over Now, Baby Blue" on repeat. You may notice that there are probably at least thirty separate references to RH songs, and a few to the aforementioned bands, and a few to Syd. It just happened. Whatevs. Also, the pairing…um, yeah. Well, I first thought of them about three and a half years ago, maybe four. I just feel that it’s…appropriate. I have a real affection for these two on their own as it is, so together…I don’t know, it just works for me. This 'takes place' in 2001, or at least they look like they did that year. Just because. And the title is pinched from the Silver Jews' Starlite Walker. The working title was "Trains Across the Sea", from the same record, but I thought maybe that was a bit too obvious, or easy or something. So.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

         Two bare feet were buried ankle-deep in the beach, a few meters from the foaming surf. The California sun had always suited him, as well it should, seeing as it alone had blessed his little golden head with its white golden rays. Big, bright sun, high sun, no clouds and no escape from the heat that was only intensified by the spray of the heavy wet waves. A pair of eyes fancied they could see steam rising from the water like tea in a kettle, and it boiled over with a shrill whistle.

 

         One head turned and smiled in the air with a mouth.

 

         It’s a sweet mouth.

 

         Two decidedly different feet moved evenly pf pf pf pf, padding down to meet and greet the other feet.

 

         My body rhymes with your body.

 

         Two sets of feet with twenty toes stood and wiggled beside each other.

 

         He tweaked his bent nose gently and gave a little look.

 

         A look like, Hey, how about the ocean?

 

         Amused.

 

         Yeah, how about that?

 

         His hair swayed slightly in the blistering hot breeze, and a grin crept up and broke slowly over his face, white rabbit with a message.

 

         This one is yours.

 

         Feeling young and dignified, he strutted in sand to splash in water like a real cool Cali kid, bending his spine to slap the surface with his palms.

 

         I know.

 

         He waded in deep, seas up to his knees, and then to his thighs, and then to his hips, and his waist, and his hollow bird chest buoyed him momentarily before sinking him just below his clavicle. Cool, calm liquid carried him gradually further from the shore. He could see the morning star burning orange like a great pumpkin rolling along the horizon.

 

         What’s up, Slim?

 

         His face was still hot as ever, saltwater lapping and licking at his hair and chin.

 

         We’re up to our necks.

 

         His skin glistened with sweat. He felt like he was a marlin steak marinating in the tangy brine, golden brown sunshine lemon butter sauce with a hint of peppercorn and garlic and something else…

 

         You’re cooking quite nicely.

 

         He felt a sudden shade creep over him then and in an instant he was submerged, intense pressure slammed flat on his cranium, jarring him and pushing him downward into inky darkness. His bones rattled like the desert at night and he thrashed fiercely about, kicking and flailing his life away.

 

         I can take you down.

 

         One long pair of eyes were wide open and stinging as they rolled about, unable to focus in their confusion.

 
         Two underwater ears thought they could hear a warbled steam whistle and the softly muffled quick clickity-clacks of iron tracks in the murky distance.

 
         Everything was pea-green and dark blue.

 

         And then he was being pulled upward. Within moments his head broke the black shiny surface and he coughed and sputtered and breathed, acrid air rushing into his nostrils, his lungs punching carbon dioxide out to mingle with oxygen once again.

 
         As he sluggishly began to open his eyes he felt the soggy tentacles of the giant squid wrap themselves about his narrow frame, slithering from behind, pressing its body against his, and he gasped in spite of himself. He felt the monster’s horrid suction cups sucking at his neck, slimy tendrils dipping into his ear, tracing it like a bleached conch, and its mighty beak nibbled a trail of destruction along his jawline. When it reached his lips, he knew it would be a veritable maritime disaster.

 

         But it was soft, and there was a tongue, much like his own, and teeth, sort've like his own, and a nose, not at all like his own, but a pair of eyes that seeped their way into his brain to drip and slip like a cracked egg. Completely fried. Or over-easy…

 

         His face was turned sunny-side up and two firm hands clasped his skull and held it comfortingly.  He was soaked and choked and tired as hell, but he was alright. He saw his reflection now, and it was bronze and midnight and stars floating like raw diamonds from somebody’s pupils, streaming moonlight. He wasn’t crying. He knew what was happening. He knew it was alright.

 

         He was in the arms of love.

 

         There was a fire smoldering somewhere inland. Hovering beside his other body, he laughed, ringing clear as bells, because he knew that when he reached the shore, he would stare into that fiery pit and find the bones of something beautiful.

 
         His own skull, grinning.











Current Mood: apprehensive
Current Music: The 13th Floor Elevators - It's All Over Now, Baby Blue
Tags: , ,

April 10th, 2009

03:24 pm: THIRD EYE BLIND

IS THIS REALLY WHAT THE WORLD NEEDED RIGHT NOW









YES

GIVE IT TO ME



athirdeye1red-1.jpg redeye picture by a_fella_named_drella


athirdeye2white-1.jpg whiteeye picture by a_fella_named_drella


athirdeye3blue-1.jpg blueeye picture by a_fella_named_drella





















HOW ABOUT THEM SILVER APPLES

WHY DID I SPEND FIVE HOURS DOING THIS

WHY DID IT TAKE FIVE FUCKING HOURS

I'M STARTING A MOTHERFUCKING MOVEMENT THAT'S WHY

I WILL CALL IT THE CULT OF THE SILVER FOX

BECAUSE THE CULT OF THE BLACK DOG SOUNDS FUCKING SCARY

AND FUCK DOGS

I WANT TO EAT HIS THIRD EYE

AMONG OTHER THINGS









LIKE HIS ASS CHEEKS









OM NOM NOM



Current Location: FAGTOWN
Current Mood: FAGGED OUT
Current Music: Bo Diddley - She's Fine, She's Mine
Tags: , ,

April 2nd, 2009

09:56 pm: It's called WAD. It's lovely.
.
.
.
It's World Autism Day, and you know what that means.

I LIKE IT

OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE A SNAKE

IT'S MY VERY SPECIAL DAY

THEY CAN'T MAKE ME DO ANYTHING IN CELEBRATION

I LEARNED ABOUT THIS SHIT-DAY ON LARRY KING LIVE

AC360 IS ABOUT TO COME ON SO FUCK IT

IF ANDERSON DOESN'T HAVE SOME SORT OF AUTISTIC SPECTRUM DISORDER

THEN HE SOON WILL

WTF DOES THAT MEAN

THINK ABOUT IT

I HAVEN'T

I'M GONNA MAKE THIS MOTHERFUCKER DANCE IN LONDON K
.
.
.

Current Location: BIG BEN BECAUSE HE'S GOOD
Current Mood: AUTISTIC
Current Music: GARY NUMAN - I FEEL I DON'T HURT IN THE CAR

March 27th, 2009

01:13 pm: "What was the kindly old lady made of? Fuck-ass rock 'n' roll!"



         It's a shame that Jonathan Demme opted to disclude that exclamation of youthful rebellion in the introduction for "Freeze" from 'Storefront Hitchcock'.

         It's been so strange having "new" Robyn to listen to daily. Even the live performances are a joy to hear, but then again, it is Robyn I'm talking about. There's some very interesting between-song banter on the vinyl version of SH, and an additional eight tracks, half of which are banter.

         Somehow, I'm not disappointed.

         This torrent is quite possibly the best investment in gigabytes I've ever made.

         Scratch that.

         It absolutely is.

         I was excited to find a live performance of "Statue With A Walkman", also included on the lp, but about half-way through he begins to tell a story in first-person that involves...well, a statue with a walkman. And I hate to admit it, but the voice he was using wasn't particularly pleasant. 

         Frankly, it was a bit annoying.

         The tone and the inflection were such that I was tempted to skip past the thing altogether.

         Alright, so that's not exactly true. I listened to the song in its entirety, of course. Don't misundertand me. I love a good yarn, and no one weaves them better than Robyn. It wasn't the story itself that bothered me. It was the song. By far one of my favorites, 'Statue' just doesn't seem like "one of those songs", if you know what I mean. Oh, god, if he'd done it in "I'm Only You"...I can't (and don't want to) imagine.

         Now, if it seems like I'm making a big thing out of nothing...it's because I am. But that's me.

         If all the world's a stage, then I'm the critic writing the scathing review about Olivier being far too old to play The Dane.

         Wait a minute. What am I going on about? I loved Olivier's 'Hamlet'. It's a toss-up between his and Branagh's.

         On second thought, don't listen to me. Disregard every word I've said here.

         Robyn is amazing. 'Storefront Hitchcock' is amazing. The live version of "Statue With A Walkman" is...probably amazing. What do I know? Listen for yourself. Everyone has their opinion. I rarely read reviews for this very reason!

         Enough.

         Right.

         Okay.

         Yes.









         Seriously, stop reading.



Current Location: right here
Current Mood: tired as usual
Current Music: Robyn Hitchcock - Let's Go Thundering (live)

March 21st, 2009

09:53 pm: I HOPE I'M DOING THIS RIGHT
SOMEDAY ALL OF THIS WILL BE YOURS

johnkinglife


IF YOU WANT MY BODYCollapse )

March 20th, 2009

08:07 am: fic

 
 

 
Title: Faith

 

Author: thepratingknave

 

Pairing: Maher/Cooper

 

Rating: R

Warning: A little dark, I guess. (angst, profanity, fairly non-graphic sex)

Summary: Bill remembering something about someone he somethinged.

 
Note from author: You know how people say, “Hey I’m new here this is my first fanfiction ever so plz be kind ; ) and no flames k”? Yeah. Well, uh, I’m that somebody. I mean, only the first fic bit. So. Awkward for me. I don’t mind flames or criticism of any kind, in fact, I welcome it. I can’t write. I’ve never been able to finish a story. A few drabbles here and there, but those don’t really count. So. This. I don’t know. It was extremely difficult to start writing this. I really had to force it out. Doesn’t come naturally to me. But I’ve wanted to write something and actually finish the thing for so long that I made myself do it. I hope it makes sense. Anyway.

 

Also, about past/present/future tense, whatever…I understand that some of this is technically wrong, but uh, it’s intentional. I’m unwilling to give it up. And so on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

         I remember your smile.

 

         So sweet. So charming. Like a little boy at Christmas. I’m the old pervert in the Santa suit. And when I got you on my lap…

 

         Little squinty eyes, face all scrunched up like a wet dish-rag. A gorgeous, stunningly handsome dish-rag.

 

         Laughter like a bottle of Coke that’s been shaken violently but left unopened, all the while grinning like a melon.

 

         A smile that cuts your face in two.

 

         You could be such a child sometimes. And you know how much I love children. But the way you hurt…

 

         I remember your smile.

 

         I remember seeing it in the morning, when I’m just waking up, beaming at me like a fucking ray of sunshine. Of course you were awake. You said you liked to wake early to catch the sunrise. You said there were few things on this planet more beautiful. I said that it happened every day. I said it was just the sun.

 

         But don’t you think it’s atleast a little pretty?

 

         Yeah, it’s a little pretty. I guess.

 

         You just stared out the window.

 

         The sun did do something to your body.

 

         And I thought I was vulnerable. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe you were comfortable in the morning, with skin glowing like that, with eyes blue and gold, hair bright white. Maybe I’m the one who hates being naked. You looked right at home. Hey, if you love the sun so fucking much, why don’t you marry it? Goddamn June-baby. Blue-blooded bitch.

 

         I was cruel to you.

 

         Usually.

        
         But I had my good days, you know. You remember. Days that weren’t so sunny. Give me a grey overcast and a mild torrential downpour, and it’s a deal! Those were my days. That was my sunshine.

 

         And when I pushed inside of you, you gasped. That felt good. Hell, I mean, better than good. Beyond good. But horrible. I couldn’t relax at all. I wanted to get the fuck out of there. The whole “gay” thing was…I mean, I don’t think I was really ready for that. I don’t know, when are you ready? How do you prepare for something like that, fucking another man in the ass? I guess you just have to do it.

 

         So I did.

 

         I told myself to calm down, get a hold of yourself, come on, it’s no big deal. I wonder how it felt for you. I think you enjoyed it. You said it wasn’t your first time, so I didn’t have to worry about being gentle. You said you liked it rough. I said I could do that.

 

         I don’t want to hurt you, though.

 

         No, it’s okay. I like it. I like pain. It’s good. Very good.

 

         Your skin was slick with sweat. You were slippery like a fish beneath my palms. I caught you with my bare hands. I almost wished I could eat you. Some vegan.

 

         Fuck me, Billy. Fuck me till I die.

 

         You’re fucking weird, Andy.

 

         You just smiled and shook your head. Eyes closed. Somewhere else.

 

         Why couldn’t you just be with me?

 

         Cunt.

 

         I’m fucking you and you’re ignoring me.

 

         Daydreaming.

 

         Sunshine.

 

         Golden.

 

         NECK.

 

         I came so close.

 

         I came so close to strangling you.

 

         The rage was very sudden. I reached for your throat. I squeezed. And gripped your shoulders instead. Close enough. Bruised nicely, though. I’m kinda proud of that. Is that wrong?

 

         Yeah.

 

         It sounds stupid saying it, but I was a virgin to you. You were my first. It was awkward.

 

         But good.

 

         The way you drew in each breath, like it would be your last, the steady quickening of your pulse. You terrified me. You were never more ugly to me than you were then.

 

        Or beautiful.

 

         We moved some more and then it was over.

 

         Well, better than that.

 

         I wouldn’t know how to describe something like that.

 

         Afterward we lay there for a while, breathing. You moved closer and wrapped your arms and legs around me, nibbling my chin like a horse to sugarcubes. We nestled underneath the blankets, our bodies pressed tightly together, sharing carbon dioxide. Belly to belly. You kissed my face. I kissed yours. Your eyelids fluttered over my skin like moths, and I remembered the importance of summer. August never knew this kind of heat. This was June all the way, baby. I could feel your heart beating against mine, and it was very strange. It seemed so close at the time. I made a sound like a heartbeat, ba-bump ba-bump, and you laughed in the darkness of the room.

 

         I remember your smile.

 

         And for a moment I almost believed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


It's finished. Seriously. This is the first fic I've ever written and finished that isn't just a drabble. I can hardly believe that I did it. I don't know if it's any good. Other than the beginning it wasn't really that hard. I mean, it took me about five hours, but hell, that's not bad, especially for me. I think I may even post this to fake_news or tds_rps. Probably the former considering they seem to be more open to odd pairings, and apparently someone did show some interest in Billy for slash, although I think it was with Jon. Hmm. I don't know. Anyway. IT'S DONE. I WROTE SOMETHING. I PROVED TO MYSELF THAT I AM ACTUALLY MAYBE KINDA SOMEWHAT CAPABLE OF CREATING AT LEAST TWO PAGES OF MATERIAL. THAT'S BETTER THAN NOTHING. I THINK. I HOPE.









NO
 


ALSO THE TITLE IS IN NO WAY AFFILIATED WITH TEH CRUE SRSLY


 



Current Location: the Arctic in a box
Current Mood: fucking freezing
Current Music: The Soft Boys - Human Music
Tags: , ,
03:33 am: You've Mahered my good name






        
         Ooo, talk to me about your disdain for religion, baby. Ooo, stop it, ya givin’ me a hawd-awn…



 

         
         
         Seriously, how can anyone resist this guy? I’m smitten. Bill’s face looks like some weird piece of goblin plastic.

 

         I think I’m in love.

 

         
        
         He looks like an animal. Mmm...

 

         He’s just CRAZY about animals, so it’s only fitting that he should look like some ugly half-Jew bulldog.

 

         Just kidding, bulldogs are adorable.

 

         No, but SERIOUSLY.

 

         All hideousness aside, this man is gorgeous. Oh, he’s highly unattractive, don’t get me wrong. But he’s funny. That’s the thing. He has made me pee myself. A little. But still. Ugly and beautiful. At the same time. Get it?

 

         Beady little eyes, no upper lip, big fat nose, pale rubber-faced bastard. Obnoxious. Dismissive. Bitter. Patronizing. Volatile. Often cruel. But wonderful. It’s balanced by his ideas, his observations, what he believes. His integrity. His defiance. I WILL TELL YOU WHAT I THINK BECAUSE I’M ANGRY AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW MY ANGER. I WANT YOU TO FEEL MY ANGER. I WANT *YOU* TO GET ANGRY. YOU *SHOULD* BE ANGRY. Blatant. Irreverant. Un-fucking-believable. This guy can amaze me and piss me off at the same time. I can strongly disagree with this motherfucker, but respect his opinions. I just can’t say that about many people. He’s one of a handful.



                  

        
          
         I hate this man.



 

         
        
         I love this man.

 

         Fuck this man. And not in the good way.

 

         Well, maybe in the good way. The gay way.


 

         
        
         Please incorporate the wolf-head.





Current Mood: RAVENOUS
Current Music: Robyn Hitchcock - Butterfly
Tags: ,

March 15th, 2009

10:44 pm: EGYPTIAN CREAM



I love this.







He looks like he's in a laundromat. Washing his clothes, having a shave, and you don't need a mirror when you've got a storefront.



Beautiful as always.




Current Mood: fine
Current Music: Robyn Hitchcock - Egyptian Cream (what else?)
03:37 pm: BREAKING NEWS THIS BLOWS



FTW MEANS WHAT I MOTHERFUCKING KNOW IT MEANS AND YOU WILL NOT QUESTION IT BECAUSE YOU WERE JUST AS WRONG AS I WAS. AND NOW JUST AS RIGHT. THIS IS REALLY FUCKING LONG. THAT'S WHAT HE SAID. HIT IT





FIRST NEWS-RELATED MARCO EVAR
UNFORTUNATELY
WHY DO WE ALWAYS TORTURE RAPE AND MURDER THE ONES WE LOVE
P.S.
NOTHING TO DO WITH KING JOHN THE DARK CONJURER AND HIS MAP OF MAGIC
MAKE THIS CLEAR TO YOU
IT'S IMPERATIVE
FUCK THIS GOOK AND HIS SLANTY-EYES
HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING THOUGH
HE'S DONE THIS BEFORE
AND HE ACTUALLY GETS IT TO FUNCTION CORRECTLY
YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG JOHN
I'M ONLY DANCING
GET OFF MY FUCKING BACK ABOUT IT




YES IT IS WHY DON'T YOU SHOW ME ON SECOND THOUGHT PLEASE DON'T
I'M REMINDED OF ANDY WARHOLE
OH THAT'S FANTASTIC
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE A SNAKE
GASP WOW
ORGASM
I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOUR AUTISM
I LIKE IT
ASSHOLE




HAHA SEE IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE DAME DANA LOOKS LIKE A HORSE
AND KING JOHN GOT FISTED BY A HORSE
SHOULD'VE GIVEN IT SOME SUGARCUBES
LSD SALTLICK
ACID CARROTS
I AM HONGRY
IT'S A MYSTIC TRIP
ROBYN IS BANNED FROM THAT TRIP
BUT I DO HAVE SOME EGYPTIAN CREAM FOR HIM IF HE'LL JUST COME OVER HERE RIGHT NOW




I THINK THAT CAPTION SUMS IT UP I REALLY DO
HE'S LAUGHING
THERE'S FOOD BEFORE HIM THAT I PRESUME HE INTENDS TO EAT
AND THE HEXAGONAL PATTERNS ON THE WALL ARE REMINISCENT OF THE INDIVIDUAL CHAMBERS FOUND WITHIN A BEE'S HIVE
THERE'S LITERALLY NOTHING MORE TO SAY ABOUT THIS ONE
I HONESTLY BELIEVE THAT IT'S PERFECT
DON'T EVER CHANGE MY KING
PLZ DON'T CHANGE




PLEASE DO PUT IT INSIDE OF HIM
I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE PUT IT INSIDE OF HIM
PUSH IT INSIDE OF HIM
HE HASN'T ESTABLISHED HIMSELF AS A CREDIBLE OR RESPECTABLE JOURNALIST YET
NO ONE WILL MISS HIM
THEY WILL NOT NOTICE IF HE DOESN'T ANSWER THAT CIRCA 1988 PHONE OR WHATEVER
I MEAN IT YOU CAN DO THIS YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION
HE WEIGHS LIKE NINETY POUNDS TOPS
JUST PIN HIS FRAIL LITTLE BIRD WRISTS BEHIND HIS BACK AND GET IN THERE
YOU CAN COME ALL OVER HIS FACE AND IT WON'T MAKE A COTTON-PICKING DIFFERENCE
FUCK HIM TILL HE DIES
JESUS
OH WELL HIM TOO 




KING JOHN YOUR LIFE BLOWS
I'M SICK OF YOUR CIRCUITS MALFUNCTIONING ALL THE MOTHERFUCKING TIME
WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO
WATCH A HUMAN BEING GIVE ME THE NEWS
R U KIDDING
WHERE IS THE ROBOT
WHERE IS THE ANDROID
WHERE IS MY KING AND HIS ELECTRONIC INFERNO WASTELAND
PLAY SOME HIP-HOP TO CONSOLE ME
IF YOU CAN GET YOUR DAMN MASSIVE DINOSAUR COMPUTER IN THE ANIMAL TESTING FACILITY LABORATORY TO FUCKING WORK
YOU'RE STILL USING THE BETA VERSION AREN'T YOU
DON'T YOU KNOW THAT BITCH WILL CRASH YOU EVERY TIME
GODDAMMIT




AND DIDN'T THAT RING TRUE
IT'S AMAZING HOW THESE EVENTS ARE REVEALED SO LONG BEFORE THEY COME TO PASS
IT'S KNOWN AS THE VANDERBILT CURSE OF THREE
YOU SEE IT'S THREE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPEN OVER THE COURSE OF AN ENTIRE LIFETIME
NO MORE THAN THAT
THAT GOES WITHOUT SAYING
FIRST ANDERSON'S DAD DIED DURING OPEN-HEART SURGERY
THEN HIS OLDER BROTHER COMMITTED SUICIDE BY JUMPING OUT OF THE WINDOW OF THEIR APARTMENT
AND THE FINAL CHAPTER OF THE CURSE CAME WHEN ONE DARK AND STORMY NIGHT
HE WENT GREY PREMATURELY
COULD THERE BE ANYTHING WORSE
OH THE HUMANITY
OH THE FOXITY




THIS ONE REALLY NEEDS NO EXPLANATION
IT PROBABLY DOES BUT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET ONE
WELL MAYBE
I'LL TELL YOU BUT YOU CAN'T TELL ANYONE
I'M SRS
RLY
NOBODY
K THE TRUTH IS BILLY LIKES TO FUCK WOLVES
I SWEAR IT'S TRUE LOOK IT UP
YOU WON'T FIND ANYTHING BUT IT'S OUT THERE
SOMEDAY




THE CAPTION WAS ORIGINALLY GOING TO READ
TEXT: bring the cucumber k
BUT THEN I REALIZED
NOT GOOD ENOUGH
HE'S GOT TO BE ONE OF THOSE FILTHY DIRTY HOMOSEXUALS THAT EXPERIMENTS WITH WEIRD AND OR DANGEROUS OBJECTS  TO GET HIS KICKS AND ENDS UP IN AN EMERGENCY ROOM WITH A VHS COPY OF THE WIZARD OF GORE IN HIS ASS
DON'T THROW THAT AWAY IT STILL WORKS
BETTER THAN BEFORE




THAT'S FUCKING RIDICULOUS
CNN IS PLAYING GAMES WITH MY HEART AND I DON'T FUCKING APPRECIATE IT
THEY WANT THAT ASS ALL TO THEMSELVES
WHICH OF COURSE INCLUDES THE BEST FUCKING NEWS TEAM ON TELEVISION
AND THE OTHER GUYS
IF THEY WANT TO MAKE MARCOS THEY CAN GO ON AHEAD AND MAKE MARCOS WTF DO I CARE
I DO CARE
BUT I WANTED TO VIOLATE HIM FIRST
THAT'S ALL I WANTED CNN
WAS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK
YES




LUCKILY I DO KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN AND GUESS WHAT
TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT CHARLIE
THE NIGHT THAT YOU MOLEST A FIVE-YEAR OLD BOY
A FIVE-YEAR OLD FOX CUB
THE LITTLE TRAMP IS SILENT NO MORE
FUCK THAT CHILD
NOW'S YOUR CHANCE YOU'LL BE DEAD IN FIVE YEARS
SHOVE THAT FUNNY BAMBOO CANE RIGHT UP HIS TIGHT LITTLE VIRGIN ASS
ALL FOR THE LOVE OF VANILLA ICE CREAM




SPEAKING OF ICE CREAM
YES HE DID AND THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT YOU SLAG
EAT IT
GOBBLE THAT SHIT UP LIKE THE FUCKING SLUTBAG SILVER FOX WHORE THAT YOU ARE
YOU LOVE IT MMM
TALKING DIRTY TO THIS MARCO IS TURNING ME ON
I DO HAVE A HARDON
I'M NOT SRY
THE ONLY REGRETS I HAVE IN MY LIFE ARE THE THINGS I DIDN'T DO




AN OLDIE BUT A GOODIE AS THEY SAY
THE PEOPLE THAT ARE OLD AND DYING
DAVID CARUSO'S HELLHAIR IS SLIGHTLY OBSCURED BY THE SAME POWDERED SEMEN THAT SEEMS TO COVER HIS ENTIRE BODY
BUT I KNOW
I CAN TELL
LET'S JUST SAY THE CARPET MATCHES THE DRAPES
EW
MMM
ACTUALLY NO




THIS IS THAT ONE I RAVED SO MUCH ABOUT
WAS IT WORTH IT
NOT HALF AS FUNNY AS I REMEMBER
BUT I WAS SO MUCH OLDER THAN
I'M YOUNGER THAN BACK FUCK YOU NOW
OBLA-DI OBLA-DONE
ALL OVER YOUR WIG
STUPID WHITE WIG
STOP LYING TO ME I KNOW YOU'RE BALD
YOU'RE PERFECTLY OKAY WITH SHOWING THE ENTIRE WORLD YOUR MUTILATED FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER BODY AFTER YOU WERE SHOT BUT YOU'RE TOO EMBARRASSED TO SHOW THEM THE SHINE OF YOUR SCALP
FUCK YOU
I'M GLAD YOU'RE DEAD
GUESS WHAT
YOUR SKULL IS BALD
OMG




I FEEL I SHOULD PROBABLY END THIS SHITFEST WITH THIS ONE
IS THIS CRUEL OR SEXY
AREN'T THEY THE SAME THING
I CONCUR
IS IT WRONG OF ME TO WANT TO GET THIS PUSSY ON MY LAP
AND TAP THAT CAT-ASS LIKE WHAT
I HOPE SO



WELL THAT'S ALL FOR NOW
I'M NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN
I'VE BEEN AWAKE FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW SO
IT JUST FEELS GOOD









GET OUT OF HERE I'M DONE









THERE'S NO MORE









SRSLY




Current Mood: SMELLING GOOD
Current Music: Beck - Loser
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